We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
