you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize