Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
