Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
