Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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