weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
