you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
