i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
