I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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