We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
