I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
