In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
