i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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