So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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