11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize