You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
