OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
