yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
