I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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