Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
