i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize