he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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