If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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