You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
