i think my mom watched the whole time
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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