is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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