just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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