If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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