Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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