did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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