tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
