Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
