K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
