um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
