belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I checked into jail on foursquare
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
