I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
