I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
