we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
