he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize