every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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