Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
