oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm really busy with my period
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