You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
