Small penises have feelings too.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
