If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
