If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
time to smoke my breakfast
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize