is your mom at the bar?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
