i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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