I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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