i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
