look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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