Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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