Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
