Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
