I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
