Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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