I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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