Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she told me i tasted like america
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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