Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
