I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
