My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
