Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
