Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
