He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
