All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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