That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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