haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize