Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
