I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
