I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
