He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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