Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize