Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and she was petting her beer can
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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