I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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