I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize