You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
